I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
