i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
