Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
