mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
