he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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