break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
