while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Cover your peen. We're going out.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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