Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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