I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
