glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize