It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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