Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
