i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
