This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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