Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The ass gains better be worth it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
