Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
