Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
