you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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