So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
