Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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