3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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