I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
