I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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