you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
