hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
