so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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