someone owes me an orgasm
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
