i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
