My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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