I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
