i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
