3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
