I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
