I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
