Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
