I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
