I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
