here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
