I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
