he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
