Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
