...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
