he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
