so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
