Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
