and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
