I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
