And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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