god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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