To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Boobs are out for the taking
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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