how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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