There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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