dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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