i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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