Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
