I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
