i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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