Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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