I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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