So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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