I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
