I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize