That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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