at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
